The 5 Pillars is a project that I have been working on for almost two years and had a great time with the official launch of “The 5 Pillars of Influential Leadership” Coaching program on May 23th.

Why the 5 Pillars?  I have spent more than 30 years in the business world and although it has been primarily in the Construction world, the 5 Pillars philosophy works across all industries.  In fact, while developing this program I realized that it can have a significant impact on your personal life as well.

I will break down each Pillar into three sections, personal, business and community. Any growth or improvement needs to start within, with the end goal of influencing the community you live in.  In this post we will take a look at PERSONAL COMMUNICATION.

Whoever said “Communication is the key to everything” was right.  Effective communication skills not only will deliver your message correctly, but will allow you to continue to move in a positive direction towards your goals.

CHARISMA

Charisma is the unique quality that some people have that enables them to add expression such as body language and tonality to the way in which they communicate.  Clearly some people are more charismatic than others, but we all have the ability to express our words in a passionate way.

PREPARATION

Nothing is worse that listening to someone who has no idea what they are talking about.  Actually there is one thing worse … when they act like they do know when they don’t.  If you are not prepared to speak or answer intelligently, don’t!

ENTHUSIASM

Unlike charisma, enthusiasm is simply being excited about what your communicating.  I believe charisma is something you have but enthusiasm is contagious.  Be enthusiastic in your communication and others will be as well.

LISTENING

Listening is the most important part of communication.  When we listen to what is being said we show respect.  We also actually understand better what is being said by keeping our mouths closed.  Focus on the individual that is speaking and let them finish before you interject.  I was once told, “don’t write yourself into the story, let the person you are speaking with do it for you.”

INTUITION

I believe intuition is most powerful when we are good listeners.  Intuition is the product of our life experiences that have been stored away in our subconscious as manifested by a triggering event.  We all have it, but it takes awareness to access it.

AUTHENTICITY

Nobody likes a fake.  If you come across as authentic, people will value your words or your message.  If you do not appear authentic, you will lose the interest of your audience fast and forever.

PATIENCE

Remember that listening thing?  Sometimes it requires a great deal of patience to hear another person out.  We have a tendency to want to interject with the “genius” contribution we just came up with.  Be patient and let the other person finish and you will gain their confidence in you.

HUMILITY

Be willing to admit your mistakes and do not boast of your successes.  Humility is a great way to show others that you are sincere and truly care.  The opposite side of humility is arrogance.  Have you seen anything good come from that lately?

HONESTY

Honesty is the best policy.  You never have to remember the truth and once you are viewed as an honest person, you become an influential person.  People won’t buy in to what you are doing if they don’t buy into you.

The 5 Pillars coaching program will take each topic to a much deeper level.  We will explore open ended questions and how they are directly impacting your life and more specifically in this segment, will allow you to evaluate and understand your role in growing your business.

In the mean time, start asking the type of questions that will result in better answers. When you ask “How can I”  you get an answer that will move the needle.  “What can I do today to improve the way I communicate with others?”  Answer that question, act on it, and you will succeed.

RELATED:

• Click here to see Part 1
• Click here to see Part 2
• Click here to see Part 3
• Click here to see Part 4
• Click here to see Part 5
• Click here to see Part 6
• Click here to see Part 7
• Click here to see Part 8
• Click here to see Part 9
• Click here to see Part 10
• For more on The 5 Pillars of Influential Leadership and to view my video click here
• To view my guest post in the 2013 International Leadership Blogathon click here

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Barry Smith    6/20/13   photo by author   © Building What Matters 2013

The post The 5 Pillars Of Influential Leadership – Part 11: My Communication appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

As my translator Anai and I entered our transport vehicle this morning, the driver told us we would be headed to a record store and sure enough, after about 30 minutes, we arrived at Casa Instrumental.

We walked into the office area above the showroom to await our coordinator and I honestly was unsure who we were to be training today.  Our coordinator greeted us and directed us out a back door.

What came next was the last thing I expected.  We entered the instrument academy.  The most amazing school for music I have ever seen.  We saw individual rooms for every kind of instrument.  Sound rooms with more electronics that I had ever seen in one place and décor so full of color and life that it made you feel like you were on a movie set.

We soon found out that we would be training teachers, managers and human resource staff at the most prestigious instrumental music academy in Guatemala.

The theme followed much like yesterday.  High engagement and high emotion.  The response was similar as well.  An incredible need for mentoring and leadership with everyone we worked with.

Some of the participants were hesitant to partake in the interactive part of our training.  With a little encouragement, they finally made it to the front of the class.  I asked them when we were done if they had been scared?  Yes.  Did they learn something about themselves?  Yes.  Were they glad they did it?  Absolutely!

Again, with an absolutely incredible job of translation by Anai, we witnessed transformation right before our eyes.  Several participants approached us afterwards to thank us and shared a unified new attitude of achievement.  “We will do this.  We will change our Country.  We will not let you down.”

I explained to them that their focus needed to be not to let themselves down.  Not to let their families, friends and co-workers down.  They understood what I was saying.

After the training session, we were able to tour some more of the facility and found out that the Guatemalan version of American Idol was filmed at this location in their auditorium.  We were actually able to see some of the contestants practicing for the taping next week that will be aired on local television.

It has added so much to this experience to see the environment that the locals live in every day.  Part of me will remain with the people of this Country forever.  The images etched in my mind will not be forgotten, nor will the lives we have seen changed.

Our team dinner tonight, was again filled with great stories of change and a soccer ball signed by the entire team that was presented to John.  “I will put this in my office where I can see it every day to remind me of the greatest leadership week in my life,” John stated as he held the ball in his hands.  He added that this week has been an “outward experience resulting in an inward journey.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Tomorrow, we train in the morning, followed by a stadium event with attendance predicted in the thousands celebrating transformation.  That will be followed by an event outside of the City which we are told is one of the most beautiful places in Guatemala.

We do it one more time tomorrow.  It will be difficult to sleep tonight knowing that the world will change again for so many once again tomorrow and that I will be blessed to be part of it.

“La Transformación está en mí.”

• Click here to read Day 1
• Click here to read Day 2
• Click here to read Day 3
• Click here to read Day 4
• Click here to read Day 5

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Barry Smith    6/14/13   photo by author  © Building What Matters 2013

The post Guatemala – An Outward Experience For An Inward Journey appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

I am sure that by now, everyone has heard about Joe Paterno and the on-going allegations of his involvement in the Jerry Sandusky child molestation scandal.  Still on-going, at least as a topic of discussion, is the year long suspension of New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton for his involvement in a bounty program that in short, paid players for knocking other players out of the game.  Not too far removed from these two headlines was the resignation of Jim Tressel as the head football coach at Ohio State University stemming from inappropriate NCAA activity by him and his players.

I will be the first to admit that as a fan of both college and professional footbal, I have been a fan of all three of these men.  In fact, I have the three books shown in this post on my bookshelf.  I do not write this post to make judgement on any one of these men.  First of all, that is not my job to do.  Second, the media has already done a pretty good job of that on their own.

I have heard more than once that:

“Your priorities may change but your values never will” 

I have always believed this to be relatively true.  The circumstances around these three men have caused me to question that belief.  After following these coaches for years and reading their stories, I have no doubt that their original core values were solid and I believe that they represented and lived those values for the majority of their careers and positively influenced, and in the case of Tressel and Payton still do, thousands of college kids, adult men and countless fans around the country.

So what happened along the way?  Again I am not passing judgment against any of these men, but something changed that allowed them to somehow compromise what they believed in.  Based on the evidence provided, some believe that there were intentional actions that go well beyond what would be accepted by someone on their positions.  In other cases, it may be the case of not doing enough or turning a blind eye to what was going on.  Either way, to me anyway, there was a change in the value system that they had built their careers and reputations on.

In my opinion, they allowed the value that they were putting on the field get in the way of the values they held off the field.

After much consideration on this idea of changing values, I have come to the conclusion that our values do not change.  However, we can allow the demands of producing results get in the way of what we believe and how we behave.  Our value system must be protected, possibly more than anything else that represents our character.

Our value system is the foundation that we are built on.  If we let that foundation become compromised, the building will begin to fail.  I look at the circumstances around these three men and can come to no other conclusion that somewhere along the way, their value systems were compromised.

That being said, I believe that we all fall victim to this type of behavior.  The only difference between them and myself is that they are in the media spotlight and thus live under a microscope for everyone to see.

My challenge to you in writing this is that you take a moment to review your value system and consider whether or not you are living in a way that represents the values you believe in.  We all fall short in trying to be everything we would like to be, but an occasional “check up from the neck up” may allow us to stay more in tune with how we would like to represent ourselves to others.

Consider that your personal value system represents your brand.  Would you be willing to buy what you are selling?

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Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   7/20/12

The post Lost Leadership – Paterno, Tressel, Payton … What Happened? appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

I am of the belief that everyone desires more in life.  It may be happiness, money, physical attributes, success, notoriety or any of a number of things but the desire remains constant; more of something.  So how do we apply the Law of Magnetism to reach these goals?

John Maxwell in his The 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership, gives us three characteristics to focus on in considering this law and how it equates to our success or goal achievement.

ENERGY – We are drawn to people that have a similar energy level as we do and likewise, those that are drawn to us are typically a match for our energy level.  If you find yourself or those around you lacking motivation and drive you have two options.  Change yourself or change your friends.  This may seem harsh but I experienced this in my own life.  As a speaker, coach and trainer with the John Maxwell Team, I have been highly energized through collaboration with like-minded individuals helping each other to pursue common goals and dreams.

GIFTEDNESS – We are all born with specific gifts and talents that come naturally to us.   For example, you will typically see athletes running in the same crowd and similarly you might find engineers or doctors running in their own circles.  Here is the key – although we come into this world with a set of specific talents, there is nothing keeping us from learning new skills that will provide the opportunity to change the type of groups that we spend our time with.  As we become more proficient in these new skills and become part of these new circles, soon we will not only be attracted to like-minded individuals but we will see them drawn to us.

LEADERSHIP ABILITY – John Maxwell says that “Leadership is Influence, Nothing More, Nothing Less.”  Consider the people that influence you and consider the people that you influence.  How would you answer the question “Would you like to be more or less like the people you are spending your time with?”  That may be a question that you may not like the answer to.  The good news is that you have all you need, inside yourself, to make the changes to better surround yourself with like minded people that will make you more of what you could be.

Who you are is who you attract.  If you don’t like the type of people you are attracting, it might be time to make some changes.  What changes will you make?

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Next Up:  Law # 10 – The Law of Connection

Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   7/11/12

The post The Law of Magnetism – Who Are You Attracted To? appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

How many times have you heard the phrase “he (or she) has great upside potential” used when someone is speaking of future success of an individual?  I am sure we all understand the concept of potential, but when we hear conversations about potential, why do we rarely hear about what that person needs to do to reach that potential?  I would suggest that it is because by making a statement to a persons potential we are somehow putting ourselves on the line as being responsible for the outcome.  Most of the time, we don’t even know the person being talked about.

It is easy to make comments about somebody else related to their potential when we don’t know them or will have nothing to do with the process of them reaching their potential.

But what about the people that we spend time with everyday?

Simply because they are not the next great athlete or the next person to be in the headlines because of some success does not mean that they do not have the potential to be more than they currently are.  So here is the question … what are you doing to help those around you reach their potential?

Tony Dungy in The Mentor Leader, gives us his seven E’s of enhancing potential.

ENGAGE – The first thing we need to do to help others work towards reaching their potential is to engage with them.  If we are to expect someone to value our thoughts or suggestions, they first must believe that we not only value them as a person but also are willing to invest ourselves in their journey to reaching that potential.  If you don’t engage, you will never be able to effectively lead them or have a positive effect in their lives.

EDUCATE – The only way to improve upon where we are is by learning new things.  This is especially true if a new skill is required.  Use the skill set that you have to add value to those around you.  Don’t be afraid to learn more yourself through the process.

EQUIP – One thing that is required in any new venture is the be prepared for change.  As a mentor, we need to equip those around us to be able to deal positively with change.  We need to equip them with the tools needed to not only retain the new information but also to deal with failure and adversity that will be part of the process.

ENCOURAGE – No path to reaching our potential will be without failure and frustration.  Be willing to encourage others during both success and failure.  It is critical for everyone to understand that failure is part of success and that we need to learn from our failures and not let them be a source of discouragement.

EMPOWER – The ultimate success of any venture will both require and strengthen a person’s self-confidence.  As mentors, we need to empower those around us to not only believe in the cause but also themselves.  Build on each success as an example of what is possible through hard work and focus.

ENERGIZE – Any development process will be filled with highs and lows.  Inspire the person you are mentoring by sharing their success with others.  During the low times, build on what is possible and provide energy by sharing something you have experienced that required energy to accomplish or overcome.

ELEVATE – Take advantage of any available opportunity to elevate someone.  This may be the most important aspect of continued success.  It sis something to build on and something to create momentum.

It doesn’t matter who it is that you are thinking of, we can all do more in reaching our potential and we can all use help in doing it.  Take the opportunity today to help someone around you to reach their potential.  This may, in itself, help you to reach yours.

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Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   7/8/12

The post 7 Ways to Enhance Your Potential – Help From A Mentor appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

Today we celebrate our Nation’s Independence Day.  I wonder what level of intuition influenced our founding fathers, our original leaders, in founding this County.  John Maxwell in his The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership states:

“Successful leaders see every situation in terms of available resources: money, raw materials, technology, and people.  They can sense people’s hopes, fears, and concerns.  And they can step back from the moment and see not only where they and their people have gone, but also where they are heading.  It’s as if they can smell change in the wind.”

I believe that Maxwell intended this to be directed at today’s leaders, but am amazed at how accurately it must have applied to the likes of great leaders such as George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.  It also appears that this idea has been a constant throughout the history of our country.  Intuition, although may be a most difficult concept to explain, is clearly a tool that all of use in making decisions every day.

As leaders, we have the ability to remove ourselves from what is happening at any moment and the responsibility to evaluate where our team is headed.  A leaders intuition is quite often, the one thing that defines a great leader.  It could be argued that some are born with great leadership intuition and others develop it through failure and success.  The challenge comes in processing the information into a mindset that, although can’t be defined on paper, will prove to be the guiding force in decision making.  The principles of leadership remain fairly consistent, but the application of a leader’s skills change with every situation.

I would suggest that intuition is merely a product of the knowledge gained during the trials and tribulations that we encounter every day.  That “gut feel” that you have in a specific situation is simply a reaction to the events that you have previously experienced.

DEVELOPING INTUITION BY CHANGING YOUR THINKING

Our intuitive capabilities can be strengthened by changing the way we think.  Dr. Wayne Dyer said “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”  When we begin to process our experiences not just as an event but as a lesson learned, we add to our intuitive skill set.  That database of memories that exists in our mind that creates that “gut feel.”

LEADERS SOLVE PROBLEMS USING THE LAW OF INTUITION

Sometimes simply analyzing the facts of a situation will not produce the solution to the problem.  Let’s just accept that intuition is the result of preconditioned thoughts based on our previous experiences.  It would logically follow that these experiences, although not directly related to the problem at hand, can provide the needed intuition to come up with a solution.

Regardless of your opinion on how we develop intuition, one thing is constant, we all have it and we all use it.  As you continue forward in this thing called life, I would encourage you to change the way you view your experiences.  Every choice we make has a result and every result can provide an additional opportunity to gain knowledge.

The choice you have to make is whether or not you will use this knowledge to help develop your intuitive skills.  What is your gut telling you right now?

Next Up: Law #9 – The Law of Magnetism

Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   7/4/12

The post The Law of Intuition – The Insight Of A Leader appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

Today I am travelling home to Oregon, but yesterday I was able to spend several hours walking along the Atlantic coastline in Florida with my wife Michelle.  As I watched the tide continue to beat against an already battered shoreline (thanks to Tropical Storm Debby), I was reminded of the infinitely wise words of my grandmother who told me as a kid “never turn your back on the ocean, you have to respect it.”

Now the ocean has not really done anything to earn my respect.  The power of the ocean, almost immeasurable, demands respect simply because of what it is.  Somewhat of a “positional” respect.  There is another kind of respect that I would like to say a few things about and that is the respect that is earned by the way in which we act and the way that we treat people.

John Maxwell in his The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership states that

“People naturally follow leaders stronger than themselves.  This is The Law of Respect”  

Consider who you are following.  How have they earned your respect?  Maybe the leader that came to mind for you has done nothing to earn your respect and simply has the assumed title of leader because of the position he holds.  What thing do we need to do to earn the respect of others?  Maxwell gives us six ways in which we can gain respect:

• Natural Leadership Ability – If you have natural leadership abilities, people will respect that and follow you.
• Respect For Others – When leaders show respect for others, it is easy for others to return the behaivior
•           When people respect you as a person, they admire you
•           When they respect you as a friend, they love you
•           When they respect you as a leader, they follow you
• Courage – A leader’s courage has great value: it gives followers hope
• Success – A leaders success is important because people will follow to be part of it in the future
• Loyalty – When a leader remains loyal, even during difficult times, followers will respect them and their actions
• Value Added To Others – Possible the greatest source for respect is a leaders ability to add value to others

I have identified what I believe are the two types of respect:

• POSITIONAL –  respecting a position for what it is
• PERSONAL –  respecting the person for who they are

Have you ever felt disrespected by your superior?  I am guessing we all have at one time or another.  Mark Toth wrote The Top 10 Reasons Your Employees Really Quit in TLNT and referenced a survey of 20,ooo job quitters.  Thirteen percent, second only to limited career opportunities,  said they quit because they were not respected by their superiors.

You may be a leader because you advanced to that position through the ranks or you may be a leader because you earned your way up the ladder by your performance.  Either way, you had better pay attention to how your actions convey respect to those above and below you.  Without respect, a leader is nothing more than a manager.

Possibly the most important aspect regarding respect once you attain it is how to hold onto it.  It may take years to build up the respect level expected of great leaders but it can take only one short event to wash it all away.  Consider how you are respecting those around you and how you are being respected and try and identify the changes or improvements that need to be made.

The real question becomes “Have I earned the respect I am getting or is it simply because of the position I hold?

Click Here To See How Fast Respect Can Be Lost

Next Up: Law #8 – The Law Of Intuition

Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   6/27/12

The post The Law Of Respect – As a Leader, Have You Really Earned It? appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

Yesterday I had the great opportunity to attend an event called “A Day About Books”.  John Maxwell, Charlie Wetzel and Michael Hyatt shared their thoughts on book writing and the platform used to get your word out.  You might be tempted to stop reading right here if you think “I am not interested in writing a book, why would I be interested in reading this?”  Well here is why you should continue reading … ultimately you want people to hear what you have to say.  Have you given any thought to how you deliver your message, who will hear it and what they will in turn, do with your message after hearing it?

I am of the belief that every person in this world has a unique story and a story that is worth being told.  The problem is that most people either don’t think their story is worth hearing or they simply do not have any way to get their story out to be heard.

NEWS FLASH!  “IF YOU HAVE A COMPUTER AND A KEYBOARD, YOU HAVE ALL THE NECESSARY TOOLS NEEDED TO TELL THE WORLD YOUR STORY.”

I listened intently as John and Charlie spoke about the creative process that goes into writing a book, and was fascinated by the way the two of them complimented each other in sharing not only values and ideas, but almost as if they were reading each others minds.  I suppose more than two decades of working together will do that for you.  I am currently working on my first book and although the finish product is far from complete, I can now see the path to follow to complete the journey.

More than once I have heard John talk about writing a thesis for his books and I really never understood what he meant by this.  Now I better understand that if  you can help people with what you write in your book, they will not only read it, they will buy it too.  

The logical questions to answer in writing a thesis for your book would be:

• What do I want the reader to know? 
• What do I want the reader to do?

From there, write the outline which should consist of 3 or 4 points for each chapter that all point back directly to the thesis.  The rest of the content can be related to the thesis but is pretty much filler for the book.  The thesis and outline are the backbone of your story.

OK, so now you have an idea that you want the world to hear.  In my example above it is a book but it could be anything.  A book, video, ebook, DVD, CD, some kind of service, it really doesn’t matter unless you have a PLATFORM to tell the world about it.

Michael Hyatt spent about an hour hitting the highlights of his recently released book Platform, Get Noticed in a Noisy World.  There is way too much information to share here to do justice to the information provided in the book, so I suggest you just go get a copy and read it.  I will say this, Hyatt has done an outstanding job of covering all the bases and not overwhelming the reader with too much techie info.

Hyatt suggests 3 Benefits of Building a Platform

• Visibility – The amount of people that can see you is directly related to the number of people that can hear you.
• Amplification – A platform allows you to get your story out to many and then they will in turn, tell many more.
• Connection – A platform gives you multiple resources to connect with anyone capable of hearing your story.

Hyatt breaks down Platform, Get Noticed in a Noisy World into 5 parts:

• Part One: Start With The Wow – Content is King.  If you bring a poor product, the platform won’t matter.
• Part Two:  Prepare to Launch – The launch of your product is not an event, it is a process.  Remember that!
• Part Three:  Build Your Home Base – This is the piece of your platform that you own and control i.e. a blog, podcast or video.  Protect this unconditionally.
• Part Four:  Expand Your Reach – Stay focused on your “why” and spread your word.
• Part Five:  Engage Your Tribe – These are the people that share your values and your passion.  These are the ones that need to hear your story.

Don’t be intimidated into thinking that you have to write a book or create a website to get your word out, all you really need is the platform to do it.

WHAT IS YOUR STORY AND WHO NEEDS TO HEAR IT?  MORE IMPORTANTLY … WILL THEY?

Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   6/24/12

The post When You Have Something To Say – What Is Your Platform? appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

Some would say that trust is the foundation of leadership.  Have you ever followed someone that you could not trust?  What happens when the leader of an organization can’t be trusted?  I would suggest that a positional leader that has not gained the trust of his flock, is simply walking down a lonely road to nowhere.  We have all heard the expression “an organization is only as strong as it’s weakest link.”  When the weakest link is at the top, the fallout effects the entire food chain.

Engagement is arguably one of the most important aspects of a successful organization and when there is a lack of trust up the ladder, there appears to be a lack of buy-in throughout.  General H. Norman Schwartzkoph once stated:

“Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character.  But if you must be without one, be without strategy.”

Without character, trust will be hard to achieve.  Those troops serving under General Schwartkoph knew and understood that no matter how bad or difficult the conditions got, they were on solid ground because of the trust that they had in their leader. They trusted their leader because of the reputation he had built through his many years of serving our country as a man of integrity and character.

John Maxwell in his The 21 Irrefutalble Laws of Leadership states this:

“If your people don’t know what to expect from you as a leader, at some point they won’t look to you for leadership.”

Maxwell goes on to say that if you want to develop and strengthen your personal character and become someone who is trustworthy you should work on three things:

• Integrity – Make a commitment to be honest.  People can tell when you are not being truthful.
• Authenticity – Be yourself, both good and bad.  People will respect and trust a person who admits to, and owns his failures.
• Discipline – Do the right thing, even when it’s easier to go down a different path.

The bottom line is this, as a leader you are responsible to build and maintain the foundation of your organization.  This applies to being the head of your household as well.  When I think of solid ground, I think of stability.  Instability in either your professional life or your business will lead to structural failure and compromise the solid ground that we all seek out for security.  When the foundation begins to crumble, it is only a matter of time before the rest of the structure begins to fail as well.

What will you do today to build trust either in your business or at home?

Next Up:  Law #7 – The Law of Respect

Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   6/20/12

The post The Law Of Solid Ground – Do You Trust Your Leader? appeared first on BUILDING WHAT MATTERS.COM.

Father’s Day is almost over as I write this, at least the “official” one day a year on the calendar that we dedicate to fathers.  As a father’s day gift, my wife Michelle, made reservations at at one of our favorite locations in the Columbia River Gorge.  On Saturday afternoon the two of us, along with our oldest son Scott, went on an afternoon hike along the Pacific Coast Trail (PCT) on the Washington side of the Columbia River.  The picture’s in this post are actual pictures of Scott and I taken by Michelle along the way.

Sometimes when Michelle and I hike – no, I better say most of the time, I drive her crazy because I continually stop for various reasons that include looking at the view, taking pictures, listening to the wind blow or basically anything else that will prolong our arrival to the destination.  Saturday was no different, although there was a new twist on my daydreaming.  You see, I had several opportunities to watch my son (now 21) walk along the trail with no idea where he was going.  Not unlike most of his life, dad had planned the journey for the hike today and he knew he would simply follow the leader and eventually arrive at the destination.

This is what got me really thinking.  Are we just playing “Father the Leader” or are we legitimately being a leader as a father?  As a father, how much do we invest in planning the journey?  What is the destination?  Do we simply tell our kids the destination and let them figure out how to get their?  

Today is the day in which all over the nation, fathers are honored for what … have we really done something honorable by producing an offspring?  I suggest that Father’s Day should be a day in which we honor those father’s who have invested time and energy in the growth of their kids and those that have provided a positive influence in helping them to grow up into responsible members our our communities.

Maybe you think I am being a little harsh, but in all seriousness, this nation is starving for positive role models for our kids and to be quite honest and in many cases, the father is the last person these kid’s need to be influencing them.  Gentlemen, (I am speaking to all fathers here) I believe we all need to step our game up related to leading our kids.  It is time to quit playing “Father the Leader” and become one.

If you are a Dad and are reading this, ask yourselves these questions:

• Do I give my kids enough of my time?
• Do my kids know that I believe in them?
• Have I given my kids a reason to believe in me?
• Do my kids know that I love them and have I verbally told them this?  
• Have I honored their mother in my actions to set an example of how they should act?
• Are my actions those of a positive role model?
• Is the influence that I have on my kids making a positive difference in their life?

Father’s Day should not only be a day to celebrate fathers for being fathers but also a reminder of what our role as a father is.  For our sons, we need to teach them how to be fathers and husbands themselves someday and what it means to be a father by action and not by definition.  For our daughters, we need to give them a legitimate example of what they should look for in their future relationships with the male gender.   We should demonstrate respect and be men of integrity and character.

I do not profess to have been the perfect father by any stretch of the imagination, but I have learned this as the father of two young men.  The picture we paint for them during their developmental years, is one that they will use as the framework in creating their own identity as a father and husband.  What kind of picture are you painting?

I do not typically request that you forward my posts, but I would ask that if you know a father that might benefit from the ideas represented above, that you would consider sharing this with them.  This may be your opportunity to make a difference.

Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   6/17/12

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